Seed and Roots

Age: Birth to One

Infants, like seeds, need the proper nutrients and a rich environment to thrive. In their early days and weeks infants will need love, security, and nutrition to survive in their new world. This time is crucial because it truly determines their health, physical ability, and intellectual development.

Why is this stage important?

At this stage, safety and security are priority. Infants are relying on your responses to their basic needs. They are noticing how everything makes them feel and communicate through their crying and cooing. They will seek comfort in your cuddles and your attentiveness. They will feel discomfort when left in dirty diapers and when feeling hunger. They will be aware of how consistent you cater to their cry.

       As infants begin to recognize their caregivers they will show smiles, laughs, copy expressions, and flail their arms and legs around. Between the ages of 13 and 18 months, separation anxiety may subside as object permanence develops. They will understand that you are not gone even when they cannot see you. This is also the point where infants may use stuffed animals or blankets to soothe and comfort themselves. The roots they form with you during this stage will set security in the stages that follow.

How to support:

Build secure attachment. A secure attachment bond meets a child’s need for security, comfort, and understanding. It allows for positive development of the child’s nervous system. Your response will make them feel secure that their needs will be met when they cry for you. This secure attachment is their first experience to trust. Long term, this foundation can result in healthy self-awareness, eagerness to learn, empathy and trusting relationships.

Create a safe and consistent environment. This helps infants feel confident enough to explore and express themselves. When they know that you will consistently be there for them, they are more likely to explore. They will take the risks necessary for standing, crawling, balancing, reaching, and taking first steps. There is a natural need and desire to connect with you and know that you’ll be there for them.

Encourage self-soothing. Though some are quick to discourage behaviors like thumb sucking and pacifiers, these can be ways children soothe themselves and can be the first step to regulating emotions. If we want a child to be able to manage their emotions later on, it is important to remove these items when appropriate.

Stem and Leaves

Age: Two to Three

Leaves use sunlight to make and store food so that the plant keeps growing. As children grow, they store and make memories from their experiences and the environment they are exposed to. Children are naturally curious and soak up everything in their surroundings.

Why is this stage important?

  At this stage children develop vocabulary and more independence. They will experiment with expressing emotion in new ways, practicing their physical skills, and copying what they see and hear. This can be a difficult stage because children experience complex emotions but have not yet figured out healthy ways to express them.

    Toddlers can even fake some emotions in order to get what they want. They can often become upset at situations that disrupt their sense of control or their normal routine. They are likely to take more risks at play and test boundaries. They will find ways to regulate their emotions as their language improves. Empathy appears as they make relationships because they will recognize when they have hurt someone somehow and are capable of apologizing.

How to support:

Stay calm when they are not. Tantrums and meltdown will happen. They are a normal part of development as the brain goes through many emotions. As their feelings outrun their ability to express them, they will do so in the only way they know how. Their crying, screaming, and throwing their bodies to the ground can be overwhelming. Your role is to help them find a better way, without getting frustrated and giving into their tantrums. Remember that children are entitled to their feelings too.

Give them language to name and explain things/emotions. Teach them to express emotions through words, is better than dealing with tantrums. If a child can say, “I’m angry,” or even better “I’m angry because you took my toy,” they can focus on putting words to their feelings. If a child has no language, it is important that you talk through what they are feeling. Put words to their actions such as “I see you’re angry I took your toy, but it is time to eat your food” Use language in everything that you do and remember you are the first example of how you react to feelings.

Provide positive reinforcement. You will find that children will enjoy your praise and recognition. There is certainly a time to use the words “No,” “Don’t,” and “Stop,” but if those are the only words you use, they can quickly lose power. Celebrate the little ways that children make progress. By pointing out when they use their words or actions to positively express themselves. Build their self-confidence and encourage them to grow by guiding them through behavior that is right and wrong. As their caregiver, you control most of what they experience on a daily basis. Remember to make it positive because it will shape who they will become.

Flower

Age: Four to Five

Flowers like children take time and patience to bloom. Each petal makes up the flower. Language, cognitive, physical, social, and emotional development make up the whole child. Each part of their growth makes up a foundation to their bloom.

Why is this stage important?

At this stage it is important to set limits and expectations. Children continue to develop vocabulary to express their feelings and independence. As they start to build closer relationships with peers and family they will learn to listen and respond to consequences. Sharing and playing can cause friction between children, they must develop new coping skills to manage their emotions. They will need to practice turn taking, manners, and being considerate of those around them.

How to support:

Give them strategies. Give them a variety of strategies to cope with their emotions and the result of their actions. Accepting consequences, going to a quiet place, deep breathing, apologizing, accepting fault, and practicing kindness are all good strategies to building independence. The goal is to help children learn what works for them and bloom confidently in their unique ways.

Have realistic expectations. If you expect too much from a child at this age, you are going to be disappointed and frustrated. Constant disapproval will make them feel shame and anxiety.  It is important to know where your child is developmentally and set realistic goals. Keep in mind their personality and unique traits. You know your child best and you can always work on how you guide them.

Validate your child. Explain and show them that their experiences are manageable. Show them that feelings are manageable. Normalize expressing themselves and feeling validated. Validate when they are helpful and respectful. Validate love even when they have made mistakes. This validation is key to building both self-confidence and a healthy response to life.